Minnesota Autism Mom

I am feeling sort of all emotional right now. I just got a chance to sit down to my personal computer after having some serious time away and here my little blog is featured on FB Autism Speaks fan page. I just can’t believe how many people said my story about going to Walmart made them tear up a little. That’s crazy. I thought I was the only one that was so sensitive to leave Walmart in a teary mode! So, if you are just discovering my little place on the net to mostly bitch – welcome! Please join me! Just don’t bitch about  me to me. I just don’t have the energy for complaints, but in all seriousness I would prefer to be writing to someone. Otherwise…why do I have a blog. So again, thank you.

Which reminds me – thank you random person on FB – I know my template sucks. I will change it the day I learn how. I am just super paranoid of losing my entries now.

I also don’t have time. I mean, really, I don’t. I shouldn’t be writing right now. I should be working on lesson plans and how my “Back to School” night is going to go down. This has been one hell of a week.

And I mean – hell. And then I don’t. Because I am very much liking so much about my new place of employment, but there is a hand full of things that are so different from working in a district (ok, public school) that I didn’t expect. I couldn’t have imagined to ask and now I wouldn’t dream of walking away at this pt, but yikes. Then there was the total disorganization piece. Having to ask for w2′s and keys, etc. On top of being required to attend workshops every second….and then let’s remember I have to leave at 4 because I live an hour away from my job. I have a child that is at his grandma’s and she is not interested in taking care of him until 8 every night. So the luxuries of being a motherless, husbandless woman/days are over. Really over. I didn’t notice the last time I started a new teaching job because I didn’t have these 2 essential humans in my life and I was not a homeowner. Things have changed. Oh, and let me add, most of my co-workers are neither married, have family in this country, friends, let alone a toddler (w/ special needs).

*shoulder shrugs* I was at work until 7:30 yesterday. Yes, that was a Friday night. Then I went a teacher store to pick up room decorations. So I guess I got home at 9. I didn’t even get to see my boy…at all…yesterday. I cried last night. I let it all out on hubby. I needed him to know where I was at mentally. And about 5 mins ago I realized I am probably either PMS’ing or about to next week. SWEET!

So one week until kids return to school. I am far from ready, but if they came tomorrow I could handle it. Staying late did help, but I am in a serious mood of “this kind of sucks to have to work again”. This past year went by so fast, it’s crazy. I played too much Mafia Wars. I suck.

Eh.

One day at a time. I know. I am just saying. This week flew by and I didn’t feel like I got done all that needed to be done. Now I have 4 days to Open House and my to-do list isn’t getting any shorter any faster. So I guess I need to go do something more meaniful than this!

The NW SPARK ASD Parent Network meets all year long!  For our summer schedule, we will continue to meet each 1st Wednesday of the month. This month we will have regular discussion time, so come with your topics related to current joys, concerns and questions.  It will be a nice opportunity to get caught up on what’s new with families and get to know new families to the group as well.  Please note that childcare is not provided at this time.

Wed, June 2, 2010
7:00 - 9:00pm
Handke Family Center, 1170 Main Street, Elk River

This is becoming a hole to no where. I can’t fully enjoy quiet journally to myself because I know I put the link of facebook (amongst a few other places). I also know a few people have said, I read your blog, I just don’t have to time to comment. (which is fine, of course, I just don’t know who my audience is (if any!))

Hint, hint – just say hi in the comments if you just read this. thanks

As a personal update, I think I finally made a decision for my son’s programming. I am so tired of asking myself where to send him this fall. There is one place that is FT, but it’s not verbal behavior (VB/ABA), so we don’t know if we like that. Then there are 2 places I am quite interested in, but neither takes MA/TEFRA and I am not getting MCHA when there are other options for day treatment. (Plus, both places are working on getting MA, so that’s a wait-and-see thing).

The reason we didn’t want to send him to the place he goes right now all day, was the lack of outdoor facilities, but it finally clicked in my little head – but, he doesn’t need to go outside in the winter! So I think, for now, our plan is to take him where he is FT this school year and see how it goes. Then in the summers, I am hoping he can go less or back to PT so we can still have a normalness.

I am so happy to have made a decision. If the school doesn’t like this idea, then we are back to where we started. But, still…I think we’re good now.

Plus, school has been incredibly receptive to making changes.

I have some links I want to share. To go along with this random post…

Finding therapies in MN

Minnesota Yellow Pages for Kids – great site with lots of therapy, etc options in MN. Much broader than what I have posted before.

Minnesota On-Line Special Needs Directory

Speech therapy related Links

http://mommyspeechtherapy.com/

http://asktheslp.blogspot.com/2009_02_01_archive.html

http://www.speechtherapyweb.com/

http://teachmetotalk.com/2008/07/15/discover-the-best-approach-proven-to-teach-your-toddler-to-talk/

http://www.speakingofspeech.com/

http://www.talktools.net/

PECS – free pictures

http://trainland.tripod.com/pecs.htm

http://www.dotolearn.com/

http://abaresources.com/free3.htm

http://books.google.com/books?id=Dhp67nHdUs8C&dq=ideas+teaching+teacher+about+a+special+needs+child&printsec=frontcover&source=in&hl=en&ei=JBqQS_STGYG6NfaFyZ4N&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=12&ved=0CD0Q6AEwCw#v=onepage&q=&f=false

Random good stuff to look at

http://sites.google.com/site/autismgames/home

http://www.tinsnips.org/index.html

Autism Resource Fair

Saturday, April 10, 2010
9:00 am – 1:00 pm
Buffalo Community Middle School
1300 Hwy 25 N. Buffalo, MN

Jill Kuzma, keynote speaker, is a speech-language pathologist who works with students with Asperger Syndrome, PDD-NOS, “high” functioning autism, and other related Social Thinking needs. She’ll be giving a talk on “Building Social Skills” from 10-11:30am. Free admission, Many booths and resources, Kid friendly activities, Food available for purchase.

Local Girl Scouts (5th/6th grade) will assist with semi-structured games & activities for youth. Parents/Guardians will be expected to remain in the building & responsible for their children. Contact Brandy with questions at 763-682-7941. Sponsored by the Wright County Autism Task Force.

Understanding Guardianship for People with Developmental Disabilities

Tuesday, April 22, 2010
TWO SESSONS: 1:30PM- 4:30PM OR 5:30PM- 8:30PM
SHERBURNE COUNTY GOVERNMENT CENTER
13880 HIGHWAY 10
ELK RIVER, MN 55330

Also included: PROVIDING FOR THEIR FINANCIAL FUTURES THROUGH WILLS AND SPECIAL NEEDS TRUSTS. Pizza will be provided at 5PM for those who register. PLEASE RSVP FOR THIS TRAINING BY CONTACTING MARY BETH BRUFLODT AT (320) 493-1231. Please leave name, phone number, and session attending. You may also email mbruflodt@dungarvin.com

Autism Awareness Day with the MN Twins!

Sunday, June 13, 2010
1:10pm game
Target Field

Twins vs Atlanta Braves. Home plate view tickets $24 value, selling for $18 ($5 handling fee will be charged). Event put on by Twins Baseball, AuSM and RT Autism Awareness Foundation. R.S.V.P. with Todd Krulewich at 612-659-3577 or email ToddKrulewich@twinsbaseball.com

Does anyone know how to teach your non-verbal toddler how to tell you they don’t want to be in their crib anymore (other than crying and screaming)?

Some days laying him down for night time or a nap goes so well that I don’t fully appreciate the beauty of just laying him down and walking away. Other days, most days, we play a game of me (or husband) going in every so often and laying him back down and saying good-night. This dance can just happen once or for 3-4 hours depending on the circumstances of the day. We know crying it out doesn’t result in sleep. It results in a very stressed out child and mom. So we watch the time, making sure we are not popping in too often. This is the only way we can get him to sleep most of the time.

In fact, right now, I think he might be saying “up”, but I am not really sure since I just went in there (again) to say good-night, take a nap. —and by the time I re-read this entry he is full blown crying—

The dance continues.

So much of what clouds my head is -when does ASD start and end? When are his behaviors just of a 2-year old? I don’t know because I am a first-time mom. And, of course, talk to anyone without a special needs child and they are quick to say “all children are like that”.  ….   Thanks, helpful.

And on a more serious note, all of this elongated baby-like ness that he is most of the time, really does not make me wanting to have more children. Hubby hesitantly brought up this topic last night knowing what a sensitive topic it is. Just another example of a topic we can’t agree on. Right now we are choosing to shelf it and that might be for a few years, but he is not doing a good job of shelving it. He craves his concept of the perfect family so badly that he doesn’t always consider the quiet pressure he puts back on me. Slightly leaning on me to say “yes, let’s have another”, but instead he is doing the opposite. Each time he hints or flat out admits that he wants more kids, I silently build a strong argument for the million and one reasons I never want to be pregnant, go in a labor, or potentially repeat these past 2+ years. I feel strong enough for my 2 boys right now, I don’t know if I want to be strong enough for anymore humans.

The truth is, even if a geneticist could tell me it’s a very good chance that we will not have another special needs child; I really hated pregnancy and labor was well…labor. If I was forced to make a decision at this time, I would either say adoption or no more. I don’t know if I will change my mind on this. I don’t know if time will ease my worried mind.

Don’t get me wrong (and I am sure I really don’t need to write this, but I will anyway)…I love these 2 people with all of my heart. They are my family. They have become parts of me. But, a dream to have 2 children has been severely altered by the real experience of actually having a child. For me, it’s one day at time…month, year. I can no longer see what the future looks like because my son has taught me that life is going to well…just that, life. I can’t see anymore children today, but maybe in a year, maybe 2 or 3, I will be a different mom again and I will embrace the idea of growing this family of ours. But, today, today I am happy how we are. I can’t see myself pregnant, in labor, and raising kid 2.  I am waiting for time to give me answers. Whatever those answers might be.