Minnesota Autism Mom

My b-day (yesterday) couldn’t have been any more uneventful. I napped to catch up on my sleep. I did get some of my new patio furniture from Lowes and I went to the dentist. I will try to spice up my own b-day next year! I had a great weekend, so I am really not complaining. We are also (for I am not sure what reason) getting my family and my husband’s mom together on Sunday for my b-day. I have to remember to request never to celebrate my b-day after the day. It’s silly and unnecessary. By Sunday turning 32 won’t matter. Yesterday mattered to me. Yes, when I posted I was in a b-day funk. I am embarassed it happened, but I had no plans. No one to celebrate with except my child who didn’t have a clue. Though I tried to teach him “happy b-day” song.

I don’t have much to say. I am waiting for the weather to get warm and happy again because I have seedlings to harden off. I have over $300 worth of plants to put in the ground. I am so fearful of losing them. ugh.

I have a man over giving me a fence quote. I want it to keep the neighbor’s dog off of my lawn. I want it to contain my child. I want it to have more freedom to design my yard the way I want to. I hope I can find a waiver/grant to help me pay for this because I think it’s much more than I can afford! Plus, i want a hot tub! I need a fence to keep others out of it, right? J/K – I don’t know if that is necessary, but still.

Happy to be 32 and 1 day. Happy to be well in health and mind, to have a great husband, and a child. To be blessed financially. Glad to be alive and doing well. I am a lucky girl

I am so tired of the bed time war between me and my son. I just put him back in his crib. I am so tired of being tired. Nap time is now a ride home and sitting in the garage until he wakes up. It’s pathetic. He needs to nap so badly, but will not do so any other way. I am completely lost on how to manage some of this stuff some days. I know I am not the only one.

Here’s the Facebook link - http://www.facebook.com/reqs.php#!/pages/MNAutismMom/113960475292241?ref=ts – you might prefer that over the RSS thingy.

I have been quiet as I sometimes do not want to do research and thinking about ASD. This blog is teetering on too much ASD for one mommy. Or maybe this will prove to be a winter activity as I am quite interested in gardening right now.

A quick update, my son is a rock star. He slowly adds new skills to his list. His babbling is thru the roof, yet no real words yet. His gross motor skills like walking down the stairs with no help is a huge leap of development. His matching skills are amazing.

My concerning questions – are sleep issues and keeping his glasses on. He has suddenly developed a strong dislike of wearing them and moving to the big boy bed has a long list of issues (that I am not about to type up). Sigh.

Today I am going to a presentation about wills/trusts/etc. We need to resolve this topic. I am tired of thinking about it. I hope it’s full of good info because it’s a whole 3 hours. Eating up my afternoon.

There is another presentation in Wayzata next week. If this one sucks, I’ll go to that one too. Feel free to send me info if you have gone thru this process and found a good adviser/attorney. It would be nice just to have a list of options for others.

It marks 1 week since we started the big boy bed. It is not going as well as the first 2 days. It’s not that he gets up. It’s just hard to skip naps, it’s even hard to get him to bed. The weekend did not help. My husband is going to have to realize we have to be home by 6:30, no later, no exceptions. In all fairness, I need to make sure this happens too.

This is the month of eval’s. It will play into me wanting to eat badly and feeling moppy and sad. Today was fine, but I did have to sit down and go over an eval for 3 year old services today. Tomorrow I am taking him to see a developmental ped. We haven’t seen her in a year. I don’t know what to expect. I am bringing a lot of questions.

I was supposed to do a sleep study too. But, that has been postponed because despite our lovely insurance. We would be paying most of it out of pocket. F-that. Hubby says the snoring can stay so he can keep his money!

In good news, unrelated to child. I am quite happy to be gardening again, though I haven’t cleared out weeds or done much. I guess I like the idea of it (kind of like reading and making art). I have so much fun stuff I want to do, there is never enough time in the day. I think I need to avoid the boob tube and this thing more. But, it’s hard for some reason for me. Sad, I know.

So off I go…before Hubby gets home and wants to talk about stuff.

I have no energy. I am sick and I have a toddler that has decided to more or less give up naps this week. Ho-hum. This is lame! Nap time is the best! And he isn’t really giving them up because he’s passing out in the car on our way home and is napping at like 4:00! I want to keep him up until at least 7, but the timing is so horse shit. I am so exhausted from this cold that I completely give in to this bad nap time. Something about laying him down completely recharges me.  I don’t have to nap for this to work. So I need to sleep in rather than nap. I need to change my schedule to meet his. And it sucks!

I had to go to his monthly meeting today. They might be getting a speech therapist at their location. Joy! How nice it would be to not drag him to another location. I hope it works out. I hope it’s good.

Does anyone know how to teach your non-verbal toddler how to tell you they don’t want to be in their crib anymore (other than crying and screaming)?

Some days laying him down for night time or a nap goes so well that I don’t fully appreciate the beauty of just laying him down and walking away. Other days, most days, we play a game of me (or husband) going in every so often and laying him back down and saying good-night. This dance can just happen once or for 3-4 hours depending on the circumstances of the day. We know crying it out doesn’t result in sleep. It results in a very stressed out child and mom. So we watch the time, making sure we are not popping in too often. This is the only way we can get him to sleep most of the time.

In fact, right now, I think he might be saying “up”, but I am not really sure since I just went in there (again) to say good-night, take a nap. —and by the time I re-read this entry he is full blown crying—

The dance continues.

So much of what clouds my head is -when does ASD start and end? When are his behaviors just of a 2-year old? I don’t know because I am a first-time mom. And, of course, talk to anyone without a special needs child and they are quick to say “all children are like that”.  ….   Thanks, helpful.

And on a more serious note, all of this elongated baby-like ness that he is most of the time, really does not make me wanting to have more children. Hubby hesitantly brought up this topic last night knowing what a sensitive topic it is. Just another example of a topic we can’t agree on. Right now we are choosing to shelf it and that might be for a few years, but he is not doing a good job of shelving it. He craves his concept of the perfect family so badly that he doesn’t always consider the quiet pressure he puts back on me. Slightly leaning on me to say “yes, let’s have another”, but instead he is doing the opposite. Each time he hints or flat out admits that he wants more kids, I silently build a strong argument for the million and one reasons I never want to be pregnant, go in a labor, or potentially repeat these past 2+ years. I feel strong enough for my 2 boys right now, I don’t know if I want to be strong enough for anymore humans.

The truth is, even if a geneticist could tell me it’s a very good chance that we will not have another special needs child; I really hated pregnancy and labor was well…labor. If I was forced to make a decision at this time, I would either say adoption or no more. I don’t know if I will change my mind on this. I don’t know if time will ease my worried mind.

Don’t get me wrong (and I am sure I really don’t need to write this, but I will anyway)…I love these 2 people with all of my heart. They are my family. They have become parts of me. But, a dream to have 2 children has been severely altered by the real experience of actually having a child. For me, it’s one day at time…month, year. I can no longer see what the future looks like because my son has taught me that life is going to well…just that, life. I can’t see anymore children today, but maybe in a year, maybe 2 or 3, I will be a different mom again and I will embrace the idea of growing this family of ours. But, today, today I am happy how we are. I can’t see myself pregnant, in labor, and raising kid 2.  I am waiting for time to give me answers. Whatever those answers might be.