Minnesota Autism Mom

Last night’s meeting w/ the support group meeting was more of an interesting round table discussion, by the time I arrived.

Some of the ladies that go there, have come to my website and so I know that I may be directly speaking to them (you). I always, ALWAYS feel like an ass hat for giving my 2 cents as a public school teacher, but yet, I consistently find a way of doing it. So excuse me for always playing devil’s advocate and giving a different perspective. I am more than aware that this might put a strain on forming friendships, but it has been  painful to hear the distrust and anxiety that has come out of other people’s public school experiences. While I know that I am not the person that is involved; it seems these educators have done a piss poor job of gaining any trust or credibility. I guess this doesn’t just sadden me as teacher, but also as a mom. It makes me anxious for the future with my own child. Will I be able to trust  public schools? Will they fail my child too?

It also begs the question, how do we get schools to see the ramifications of a certain incident(s)? How do we teach the teachers about special education? No wonder by the time these families have teenagers, they are either overly involved or appear to not be involved at all.  It really was black and white (btw I was a public school art teacher for the last 4 years). On one hand, I experienced a  parent, that basically only works with the special needs case manager. I would hear from the SPED teacher only, as if they were the voice of the child and family. Sort of weird now that I think about it, but very typical. The other option, was when I did hear from the parent, it was bad. It was hard, harsh, attacking, and difficult to manage. The times I heard from these parents, made me feel like I was going to get fired. Their tactics were aggressive – ie. always copying (via email) principals in on a discussion about a fairly nothing topic. That was a huge “What the hell?” or how about the time a mom never met me and after 1 week of her child being in my class, she demanded the child not only be removed (declined) and to never take my classes again (also declined). I would have never known about that incident, if the counselor would have not told me.

And from all of this, I need to shed some advice. Your first response to a problem is to NOT call principals or counselors. Pick up the phone or send an email directly to the teacher.You don’t drag the school into an issue about grades, tardies, or late assignments until you at least talk to the teacher and see what he/she has to say.

When you do speak to the teacher, step out of the situation emotionally, and don’t take it personally, and do NOT judge the teacher until you have at least met this person over the phone or in person before you take your child’s side. So many times, I felt like I had to correct every single detail a child had said to their parent. Most of the time, the story was just skewed because they are a kid, but most of the time it as flat out lies to make them look good and me to look really unprofessional and stupid. It wasn’t like it was hard to explain what really had happened, but it is hard when the parent is worked up and convinced their child is right and then gets a whole other view pt. We all want to be right, but teenagers really don’t want to look bad in the eyes of their parent. And really, they don’t want to get in trouble. For example, Mrs. C never told me this was due, she didn’t give us enough time, etc. These are typically just fabrications because the child talks during the entire class, day after day. They probably can’t even see how much time they are wasting socializing. It’s easy to blame me. (This is making me want to choose a new profession!)

I am not perfect. This isn’t about me, but do realize if you are interested in killing someone’s career…involve the principal. Principals are not interested in this type of thing. They will get involved, but a good principal believes the teacher is the manager of their classroom and can handle it. You don’t get admin involved unless the teacher is NOT working with you.

Ok, back to why I really started to write today. I know I have a 2 year old. I know that we have not yet sent him to school, but going back to the topic “how do I educate the educator?”… first of all, do not assume you have to. Most teachers have graduate degrees, which include their subject matter, education classes, and special needs education classes. 2) I would recommend – either set up a meeting with teacher(s), or create a printed document that you can update and pass out if you do not have the time/energy to do meetings. 3) I would suggest a written document over a meeting to “normalize” this education thing for both you and child.

I don’t think you have to spend hours on this document and I don’t think the way you do it (medium) matters. Create a powerpoint, book, brochure, or just type something up in Word so you could easily email or print it off.Personally, I am going to go with a medium that I can manipulate for years because something tells me that I will want to meet his teachers each year and by the time he gets to HS, you will want to do this with each teacher, each quarter…and let’s face it…that’s a lot of people. Which is why I think I didn’t hear from some parents by the time the child makes it to HS.

My opinion is until a child graduates, your advocacy may be extremely necessary and appreciated by your child and their teachers. I struggled like crazy to help some kids pass my stupid elective art class because I had no idea how their disability was influencing their classroom experience. Leaning on your child’s case manager is not always a great idea. I have worked with excellent SPED teachers and others that were overwhelmed, uninterested or about retire…or something, that were NOT going to be your child’s best resource to communication and advocacy. A simple email, BEFORE the quarter starts is the best way to start a positive relationship with your child’s teacher.

On the other hand, if you are emailing a kids’ teacher 4x a day, it’s time to call a meeting and meet face-to-face. As a teacher, it is aggravating to spend every free moment emailing one parent of 150 students that often. There are times where this is necessary, but a daily note or this level of involvement is only helping one person – the mom/dad.

It came up last night and it has come up before, giving a book(s) to a teacher about the disability should seriously be thought through before you hand that over to this person. I wouldn’t bother if I were you. Teachers are busy and your child could be 1 in 150 students that teacher works with each day (getting 150 more every 9 weeks). Unless the disability is very unique, I would not bother with much more than a simple handout at most. Like I said, teachers take special needs classes, and have just as much access to information about a disorder as any parent. This is where it gets important…it’s not about the disorder. The important piece is YOUR CHILD. Generic autism information is every where, but there is nothing written up about your kid. This is why you have to step up and create it.

I found a couple of online reference to write up a sample letter to your child’s future teacher. It might be a great jumping off pt so you can tailor it to your own. Do not hesitate to be involved, but at the same time, respect the channels of appropriate communication with the schools. Assume they care a great deal rather than not. That is a major point of contention for me as a teacher. Assume they know how to work w/ your child and that they need some more information, so you can work as a team rather against the teacher/school system.

As for creating a teacher packet, like anything, well intended, does not always result in what you want…so precede with caution when you think handing a stack of books (ok, one book) to your child’s teacher. I think the way you educate your child’s educator about their disorder looks the same as the way you would educate your in-law’s, neighbors, etc. My father-in-law wouldn’t want a packet on how to be a grandparent to a child with autism and I have to assume some teachers would not want that either. I think it’s best to discuss it first and see if there is a genuine interest. Why buy something that is going to sit on their shelf for years gathering dust?

Look over those links. I think you will find an excellent place to generate ideas for how you want to start the school year or quarter with your child’s teachers.