Minnesota Autism Mom

I am feeling sort of all emotional right now. I just got a chance to sit down to my personal computer after having some serious time away and here my little blog is featured on FB Autism Speaks fan page. I just can’t believe how many people said my story about going to Walmart made them tear up a little. That’s crazy. I thought I was the only one that was so sensitive to leave Walmart in a teary mode! So, if you are just discovering my little place on the net to mostly bitch – welcome! Please join me! Just don’t bitch about  me to me. I just don’t have the energy for complaints, but in all seriousness I would prefer to be writing to someone. Otherwise…why do I have a blog. So again, thank you.

Which reminds me – thank you random person on FB – I know my template sucks. I will change it the day I learn how. I am just super paranoid of losing my entries now.

I also don’t have time. I mean, really, I don’t. I shouldn’t be writing right now. I should be working on lesson plans and how my “Back to School” night is going to go down. This has been one hell of a week.

And I mean – hell. And then I don’t. Because I am very much liking so much about my new place of employment, but there is a hand full of things that are so different from working in a district (ok, public school) that I didn’t expect. I couldn’t have imagined to ask and now I wouldn’t dream of walking away at this pt, but yikes. Then there was the total disorganization piece. Having to ask for w2′s and keys, etc. On top of being required to attend workshops every second….and then let’s remember I have to leave at 4 because I live an hour away from my job. I have a child that is at his grandma’s and she is not interested in taking care of him until 8 every night. So the luxuries of being a motherless, husbandless woman/days are over. Really over. I didn’t notice the last time I started a new teaching job because I didn’t have these 2 essential humans in my life and I was not a homeowner. Things have changed. Oh, and let me add, most of my co-workers are neither married, have family in this country, friends, let alone a toddler (w/ special needs).

*shoulder shrugs* I was at work until 7:30 yesterday. Yes, that was a Friday night. Then I went a teacher store to pick up room decorations. So I guess I got home at 9. I didn’t even get to see my boy…at all…yesterday. I cried last night. I let it all out on hubby. I needed him to know where I was at mentally. And about 5 mins ago I realized I am probably either PMS’ing or about to next week. SWEET!

So one week until kids return to school. I am far from ready, but if they came tomorrow I could handle it. Staying late did help, but I am in a serious mood of “this kind of sucks to have to work again”. This past year went by so fast, it’s crazy. I played too much Mafia Wars. I suck.

Eh.

One day at a time. I know. I am just saying. This week flew by and I didn’t feel like I got done all that needed to be done. Now I have 4 days to Open House and my to-do list isn’t getting any shorter any faster. So I guess I need to go do something more meaniful than this!

As usual, my mind is never off. I think of topics to bring up here, but then I quickly forget.  I think the big topic, is in direct relations to this thing (aka blog) I created, is that having a public blog is weird.

Yeah, let’s get weird. It’s weird that my audience has changed dramatically. It’s weird because I think that my intended audience is finding me, but is very silently stalking my blog. It’s really weird because people I know in my real life are reading this stuff and then know my stories before we talk. And I am not talking about 1 person, I am talking…like most of my friends.THIS IS SO WEIRD.

A part of me is so very weirded out that I want to silently stop blogging here and move back to LJ where I have a heavy bolt on that blog and find my peace behind knowing who might be reading my crap. Here…it’s too open. Is there a way to make people log in in WordPress?

Please feel free to comment – always. It at least let’s me know here that you read this so I am not stupidly repeating myself in public

Anyway – job search continues. My high of getting 2 job interviews has died back to nothing. I should be working on this job app right now actually.

As for my son – his screaming has died down to just times that he is really happy. His ability to take his finger nails across walls is not showing any decrease. Things at his school/program are better in some ways. Really only in the sense that I asked for communication/progress notes to be recorded differently and I feel a calm from this change. I am still not feeling well that they work hard enough on his goals, but I know there is a careful line to cross here.

Oh there are probably a million other things I could say, but I will have to stop now because it’s already 11 and I really need to go to bed.

Oh…and it’s our 4th year anniversary this Thurs. This means I have been in a relationship w/ a man for 7 years. I am astonished. I really didn’t know I had this in me. I can tell he is equally amazed. I know this is nothing to brag about, but for us…well, after having a child…it sort of is! Yeah – us